No longer satisifed with Triple Champ (Triple-C) status, UFC Flyweight and Bantamweight Champion (along with Olympic Gold Medalist) Henry Cejudo has called out Women’s Bantamweight Champion Amanda Nunes and Women’s Flyweight Champion Valentina Shevchenko in an attempt to add more jewelry to his collection.
Cejudo was strongly rebuffed by UFC President Dana White who said, “What the fuck is this idiot talking about? He needs to go fight JoeJistu or shut the fuck up and give up one of his belts.” Not to be deterred, Cejudo then set his sights on activities outside MMA.
Cejudo put geriatric Bingo champion Ethel Williams of East Cleveland, Tennessee in his sights. “Bitch had a championship medal for bingo. I saw it. I wanted it. Veni, vidi, vici, bitches”
Cejudo defeated Ethel easily when he made the power move of B-17 later in the night. Unbeknownst to Williams, she also had B-17 and would have won, but she was unable to locate her reading glasses and couldn’t make heads or tails of the bingo card.
“I couldn’t find my fucking glasses. I swear I had them with me, but when I needed them most, they were nowhere to be found. I’ll bet that little shithead Cejudo took them. Fuck that guy!”
“I’m Quadruple-C now,” boasts Cejudo. “And now I’m seeking gold in the Altoona Bowling League, Midget Arm Wrestling, RuPaul’s Drag Race, and there’s a little girl in Baton Rouge, Louisiana that has the neighborhood Hopscotch Title. Lizzie Rolle, I’m coming for your gold, girl!”
When reached for comment, Lizzie Rolle said only, “Fuck that guy.”
Cejudo also commented on why his quest would stop at eight championships. “Well, I don’t know what comes after Octuple Champion.” After being advised by another reporter that “Triple-Triple-Champion” might be good for his ninth championship, Cejudo scoffed. “Triple-Triple-C?? That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”